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Disagree without being disagreeable
LIFE WOULD be dull if everyone we knew saw the world as we do. Differences make life interesting. They can also cause disputes.
Differences of opinion and priorities can all too easily lead to squabbles and hurt feelings. Here are some ideas for turning arguments into agreements.
Instead of focussing on what you're disagreeing about, focus on what you need to do to reach agreement and maintain the relationship. Instead of concentrating on your differences, concentrate on your similarities, on moving towards a joint understanding and on what you need to do to prevent the problem or misunderstanding from occurring again.
Try turning the quarrel into a goal. Forget about what you're disagreeing over and set your sights on something you both want. What do you want instead of this problem or disagreement? This puts on the same side, so instead of arguing, you'll be searching together for how to reach something you both want.
If having a good relationship is more important than being right, it's worth spending a bit of time looking for the common ground. Think `We' not `You versus Me'. Everyone gets more done, and more pleasantly, as allies than adversaries.
(Kris Cole is an industrial psychologist and best-selling author . Through her books and seminars, she helps people achieve their goals, increase their productivity, improve their communications, and make time for a better life. Contact Kris through her website at www.bax.xom.au.)
KRIS COLE
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